Monthly Archives: December 2009

Dennis Montgomery, the new king of the con men

A new master conman has arrived on the scene. As I’ve said many times before, I love a good con. Mainly because it clearly illustrates a breakdown in rational thought. Over the last year we gained a new king of the Ponzi scheme – Bernie Madoff. And now, there’s a new king of the con-men. Dennis Montgomery is as crazy as gets, living by balls alone. Who can tell the biggest lie? Dennis can. Wow, and this one’s a whopper. Remember all those fucked up terrorist alerts we had to endure? That was Dennis.

Realizing the CIA would soon file charges, Dennis has followed his dream of “balls out” living by writing 1 million dollars in bad checks to Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. He forgot the first lesson of conmen. If you do it right, even if you get caught the person you conned might not want to pursue the matter because of adverse publicity. The CIA wasn’t, and still isn’t, going to pursue Dennis. It would expose a level of incompetence unrivaled in the “intelligence” field. Everything about Dennis is still considered secret. Probably being shredded as I write this.

On another note:

It’s at times like this, Rush Limbaugh’s birthday, that I think we need to remember some precious words spoken by one of my hero’s, Bill Hicks:

“Doesn’t Rush Limbaugh remind you of one of those gay guys that lie in a tub and let other men pee on them. Am I the only one? Can’t you just see his fat body in a tub while Regan, Quale and Bush just stand around pissing on him, and his little piggly wiggly dick can’t get hard – – – “uh, I can’t get hard. Regan, pee in my mouth.” Regan: “Well, how’s that Rush?” Still can’t get hard so they call in Barbara Bush. She takes her pearls off. Puts them up his ass. Then squats over him. Undoes her girtle. Her wrinkled, flaccid labia, unfolds half way down to her knees; like some ball-less scrotum.

She squeezes out a link into his mouth. Finally his dick gets half-hard. A little clear bubble forms on the end, with a maggot inside. The maggot pops the bubble and runs off to start a pro-life group somewhere.”

Rush Limbaugh

Fear and Loathing in Afghanistan

Afghanistan’s army. Be all you can be. Until you forget what you were doing.

I picked this up over at Danger Room. Holy crap!! What the hell are we doing in Afghanistan? Why would Obama want to mount a surge?

I’m amazed at our troops trying to sell the idea that the pile of rocks they’re living on is worth some nationalistic pride. Yeah!! Go Afghanistan !!!

Star Wars Christmas Special. – – – HAPPY LIFE DAY!!!

The actual name is “The Star Wars Holiday Special,” because there really is nothing Christmas-ee about this. Instead of “Christmas” they call it “Life Day.” That’s right, the war on Christmas started in 1978.

You may ask yourself, how widespread was LSD was in the late 70’s?

I’m assuming that the same people who created this as a holiday show also produced “The Banana Splits” and “HR Puff-n-Stuff.” What astounds me is the casting. Bea Arthur? Art Carney? Harvey Korman? How weird can this get before it starts making sense? If you actually have an hour to kill, here’s the whole thing. The commercials are a scream.

Here’s the 5 minute version.

Happy Life Day?

“Today is a good day to die.” – – – Old Klingon proverb. I understand this now.

Family Guy Star Wars

I’m looking forward to the new Star Wars Family Guy – December 22nd. Something, something, something, dark side

Crying on Santa’s Lap

It’s that time of year again. Christmas Jesus, the most toyful of all the Jesus-es, is coming to town to judge your sins and hand out presents. Generally I’m not a fan of religious traditions – with one exception; the yearly traumatization of our children by placing them on the lap of a heavily bearded stranger in the middle of a shopping mall. It’s my personal opinion that these traumatic events cause children to become televangelists or drugged out rock stars. Hail, hail, rock and roll!!!

It’s funnier when you get drunk before you hand your daughter over to the scary bearded man.

This may be the creepiest Santa on record.

Technique is everything when trying to slide off that scary man’s lap.

Award for Best Dismount: