A closet, in a closet, in a closet

I’m still pissed about California’s Prop 8 vote. I expected the liberal turnout for Obama to beat it down. Mostly, this disappoints me. Just when I think we’re progressing as a culture, my optimism is struck down by a majority of dumbasses.

Then I read about Scott Eckern. The artistic director at the California Musical Theater, Scott Eckern, a Mormon, donated $1,000 to the “Yes on 8″ campaign. Yes, you read that correctly. A closeted Mormon (do they come any other way?) donated a grand to make sure he could never be married to another man. If I’m wrong about this Mormon, let me reiterate, he’s the artistic director of the California Musical Theater.

I honestly don’t think you can’t get that job if you’re straight. Straight men and butch lesbians need not apply. (At least that’s what I imagine what most Mormon’s think.) Eckern must be doing his best to allay the fears of his fellow religious brethren. When I first heard that Mormon closets have their own closets I thought it was to hold their magic underwear. I think we can safely assume it holds another closet.

Scott Eckmen did not say this: “See, this proves it. I am not Gay.”
His money said it for him.

Or, . . . am I getting this all wrong? Eckern wouldn’t be the first man to pay for an excuse not to be married. Is he trying to avoid the old balls and chain? Last I heard Eckmen has resigned as artistic director. His resignation letter speaks from the heart but he seems unable to understand the grievance.

At this time I would like to endorse Sarah Palin!!! I can’t think of a thicker nail for the Republican party’s coffin. She’s a time bomb waiting to go off. That’s right, I’m calling on some major democratic donors to keep this insane pageant contestant out in front, on the Republican runway. “Mindless Ambition,” her Secret Service code name, could be the automated lighthouse that illuminates Republican ignorance. I don’t think she remembers going to school in the little bus. For those of you in the liberal media, please only throw her softballs.

Kudos to Keith Olbermann for referencing Bill Hicks. But I gotta tell you Keith, that advertisement for the fear-jerk alarm service is a bit over the line. Do you really need to go that way? Every time I watch it I expect it to end with, “McCain ‘08.”
Threat-Down!!!! I’m calling on Stephen Colbert to add Giraffes to the list. Don’t forget, they play mine sweeper. I think we can all agree, these animals are some kind of genetic experiment gone terribly wrong.

I can’t remember when I haven’t been a fan of Bill Hicks. This is the truth as he taught it to me. “It’s just a ride.” I live by these words and the last words in the movie Being There. “Life is a state of mind.”


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