Jacob doesn’t know this but one of the reasons I chose to name my blog “Basket of Puppies” was to continue the tradition of using hyperbole in naming as pioneered by the “American Family Association.”
From the American Family Assocation. It could happen to your town. They sell fear because that’s the way Jesus would of wanted it sold.
They believe gay pride parades (for Christmas and the 4th of July) will be mandatory for all citizens and no one wants to wear those skimpy outfits except the preacher. It’s comin’. I really hope it does. For the old-time Christian community, homosexuals eat babies and fuck sheep, but Jesus doesn’t want them to marry each other. It’s a weird, weird world they live in, full of war, but only against Christmas. Up is down, streams are running up hill and fish are in the trees. The only constant in their world – black is not white. Black is black and never the twain shall meet.
On the upside, I enjoy the thought of their anguish at a new black president. They must be pulling out the last strands of gray hair. Since these fundamentalist still live in the 1950’s, and because Blazing Saddles was full of truthiness, I imagine their prayers to sound like: “Dear God, why did you send us this nigger president?” Jesus must be testing their faith. Hallelujah.
I want to commend Jacob over at Contextual Criticism and other like him that have been keeping an eye on these bigots left over from the 1950’s. I’ve been lagging in this area. Ever since the Boy Scouts became the next army-of-god I have been meaning to join in the fight. For me, prop 8 was a rally cry. We need to stand against these bullies.
Thanksgiving is coming up, so I’d like to pass on a Thanksgiving blessing:
I got it from Jimmy Swaggart. Jimmy used it after he was caught fucking whores. It works better if you cry and fall to your knees when you’re done.
Help Fight back:
I am well ahead of the curve regarding Cinemark theaters. I was boycotting Cinemark long before prop 8. Although, boycotting isn’t really the right word. I just hated the place. For those of you who haven’t heard, Cinemark’s Mormon CEO, Alan Stock, made a $9,999 donation to the “Yes on Prop 8” effort. (I’m sure there’s some financial reason he didn’t give the full 10k. I like to believe he had too many pennies.)
Cinemark theaters have pissed me off since day one. First and foremost, their interior looks like it was created by a vomiting clown. Last time I was there (maybe 10 years) the inside was sprayed with green, purple and 1950’s celebrity glamor posters. “Oh, look, it’s Carol Lumbard next to Ms. Pac Man, how traditional-ee-ee.” All the signs were there. I should of known then what kind of person ran this show. They start every movie with a cartoon featuring their bizarre cartoon spokes-cat, “Front Row Joe.”
Speaking in Generalities:
A new song comes up on the radio, but something isn’t quite right. You become aware that the song sucks. It has no depth. The melody is somehow strained. Then you realize that you are listening to Christian rock. It all makes sense now. So, what is it? What is it about Christian rock that doesn’t make the cut? I’m not sure, but if Mormon rock exists it can’t be good. Alan Stock has created the Mormon rock of theaters. I’m not saying that all Christians have no imagination, but . . .
I’m hard pressed to explain away the Christian metal band Stryper. It’s the same kind of bad taste I received from Front Row Joe. The point is, I should of known then what kind of place Cinemark was. Front Row Joe has all the charm of a Guantanamo interrogation, and was probably funded by the military for just that purpose. Front Row Joe is Mormon hard rock.
It’s not really about crappy cartoon spokes-cats, or how Mormons seem less creative, it’s about hate. It’s about the CEO of Cinemark Theaters, Alan Stock, the unimaginative, self-righteous, master of his domain, and his quest to promote hate. Why would anyone want to support that? Please don’t go to Cinemark theaters.