Monthly Archives: October 2008

You can’t put a bucket over a pig’s head, it will just make him skiddish!

Alright, I’m officially sick of this campaign. I needed some cheering up so I went old school. Here’s my favorite Kids in the Hall:

My son doesn’t think I have a sense of humor. Old school SCTV still makes me laugh.

Okay, I lied. I not totally sick of the election. This made me laugh. Back when I was running for office we use to wear an onion on our belt, because that was the style at the time.
From the Onion:

Sarah Palin, International Woman of Mystery

What I’d really like to see is Sarah Palin required to answer questions from the White House Press Corps for 3 to 4 hours. How is it we have a Vice Presidential candidate who has yet to be cross examined?

I imagine if Sarah was actually forced to answer the hard questions it would be like my favorite Japanese game show, WAKE UP!

Hate funds the Terrorists

Keith Olbermann blew me away with his special comment again. Keith, your special comment is the best part of the show. Don’t hold back, and you don’t need to apologize for doing more.

Hate is driving the McCain campaign now. For a sobering moment I’ve been surfing the racists forums on the interwebs. I noticed two things right away. First, these morons cannot write. Like Jethro Bodine, they done have their schoolin’ cut short, but they knows their cipherin’. Second, I couldn’t help but notice the abundance of anonymous postings. They don’t want to own their own words. Hate does that. In masse, hate is condemned, but behind closed doors many celebrate it – to their own detriment. I shouldn’t surprised when it spills to the surface.

After many hateful episodes in my life I have come to terms with the emotion of hate. Hate is worthless. Hate is easily obtained and hard to get rid of. Hate is only detrimental to my life, and hate is, without a doubt, the stupidest way to spend my time. Nothing I have ever done, worth anything, came from hate. My hate filled rants have only a detrimental value. Hate leaves me powerless to objectively understand my own actions, forfeiting my free will. It’s an all losing, all encompassing emotion to nowhere.

The Grand Old Party of hate

Regardless of the perception, the Republican party is all inclusive. Anyone who shares in hate can easily join, so there’s a certain symmetry, a certain Zen to John McCain playing the hate card. Why wouldn’t he? Like an easily spooked feral cat, hate seems to energize the republican base like nothing else. Why? Because hate is what the Republican party is built on. It’s that hate which identifies Republicans as tough on crime, tough on defense, tough on everyone who doesn’t tow the line. If you’re not with us, your against us. Or, as my grandpa McCain says, “I ain’t fur ya, I’m agin’ ya.” [My favorite republican line: “We don’t like your kind ‘round here.”]

Appealing to the basest of the base the grand old party has become a place where anti-Semites can congregate openly with misogynists, where homophobes can bond with racists, where the neo-con hawks can reach out and support our war with the KKK while throwing lavish junkets brought to you by the pharmaceutical companies while raising money to help keep out the flood of ethnic brown people crossing our borders.

Congressman Michelle Bachmann wears her hate on her sleeve. Friday she asked about Barack Obama’s patriotism and suggested that the rest of Congress be investigated to determine which ones are “anti-American.” Congressman Bachmann was elected after keeping the film “Aladdin” from being shown at a middle school in her district. Apparently, Aladdin delves too deep into witchcraft for her taste. I can only imagine she yelled in agreement with the mob in Monty Python and the Holy Grail to “burn the witch!” After being turned into a newt I can sympathize. (I got better.)

Keith let loose with another great special comment. Keep it up Keith!

If you’d like to know more about my battles with hate, check out my previous post, Racism in Texas.

Sarah Palin – her silence is deafening

Here’s another Keith Olbermann Special Comment:

In case you didn’t catch Olbermann yesterday, here’s a video of the Debate he introduced:

Did Burgess Meridith know John McCain? And who was this Obatman?

A poem from John Cleese to Sean Hannity

Another perfect Keith Olbermann moment as he reads a poem from Monty Python’s John Cleese to the soul-less Sean Hannity.

I also need to get my Bach on:

McCain’s McCarthyism fueling the next McCon-game

Mavericks are not leaders. Mavericks just run off and do whatever they want. I can’t help but watch in puzzled amazement as the McCain campaign continues to accuse Obama for knowing someone. I won’t say who because McCain/Palin can’t bring him/herself to say Valdemort’s name. (What’s up with that?)

Innuendo politics of McCarthyism first strikes me as silly. But the more I think about it I find it a sad commentary on the state of this country as it accentuates the Republican’s underground army of ignorant, right-wing, hillbilly, sky pilots jabbering into heaven. I like to think of them as the great unplugged. They don’t want internet access because that’s where the sex devil lives. Others just seem to oooze crazy – like Christopher Magavero a sheriff’s deputy in Florida who was just fired after confessing his undying love for a 13 year old. (School officer confesses love to 13-year-old student, gets fired.) I’m pretty sure I saw him shaking McCain’s hand.

This new guilt-by-association strategy is like watching red-neck rubes get caught up in pyramid scheme. Anyone who’s been around can tell you it’s a con game, but it’s too late once you’re already invested. “How dare you impugn the obvious righteousness of my leader?!?”

The Great American McCon Game

With throngs of McCain supporters chanting hate, cynicism starts to envelops me. I’m having daydreams of selling pet rocks and fuel additives guaranteed to increase your gas mileage to 140 miles to the gallon. Or maybe I just need to send out 10,000 dry cleaning bills to upper class restaurants demanding recompense after the waiter spilled wine on my shirt. If only I could bring this con to a higher level, you know, like McCain’s new mortgage bail-out scheme.

Rachel Maddow tells the truth.

The Maverick drinking game takes some casualties

On the down low, on the Q.T., word on the street is, a friend of mine had to go down to Brackenridge hospital to get his son (who goes to the University of Texas) after suffering from alcohol poisoning from playing the “Maverick” drinking game. He and his friends had been taking shots of tequila for every time Sarah Palin said the word “maverick” during the debates. I felt bad for him until I saw this on SNL. I once passed out after playing “Hi Bob” while watching the Bob Newhart show. It’s a nasty hangover.

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Olbermann rules:

This is one of those times when I get to say, my son is better than your son. Instead of drinking himself into a stupor my 16 year old finished his assignment in creative writing:

New Age Hippies

While walking past the capitol one day I was affronted by a man in a red shirt. He handed me a flyer, telling me that I should believe in peace. Behind him the others in his group chanted: “Iraq for Iraqis! Iraq for Iraqis!”

Now, I didn’t disagree with the sentiment, although that chant is really lame, but as soon as I looked at the flyer I saw the man’s disguise fall apart and underneath was nothing but a dirty hippie, preaching free love and drug abuse.

“Now exactly why should I believe in peace?” I asked, warily, trying to play devil’s advocate. Of course I believe in peace, only Republicans don’t want peace.

“Because peace is love man.” He said, clearly believing he was being deep.

This statement made my head hurt. I rubbed my forehead where the pain was concentrated and closed my eyes for a long moment. “N-no… its not… peace is not dropping bombs on your neighbors.”

“And the only way we can do that is to love our fellow brothers on this earth.” He said, clearly insulted by my rebuttal to his meaningless statement.

“Love has nothing to do with peace! Just like hate has nothing to do with war!” I shouted, now his group stopped chanting and looked over at us. Peace groups probably don’t get many counter-protesters here in Austin.

“Hate is the reason for all wars, and the only thing that can combat hatred is something more powerful, it has to be love for everyone else that changes the world.”

“Love is nice but it isn’t the strongest force in the world, greed is. Greed creates war, and it’s the only thing that can stop it!”

They were now thoroughly confused. “Look the only solution that can fix the world’s problems is more free trade and interdependence among nations.”

“Free trade isn’t fair trade.” The man repeated the slogan and then explained. “Capitalism creates nothing but strife and pain for the rest of the world.”

I knew it! They are hippies!

“Yeah cuz the Soviet union really promoted world peace.” I said sarcastically. “Look, here’s an example, for hundreds of years the British and the French hated each other, but recently, within this century they began to trade heavily. They might have still wanted to claw each other’s eyes out, but they didn’t, because it was more convenient for them not to.”

They consider this. Then how do you explain all the wars we fight over land and money, those are all caused by greed, greed can’t be our salvation if it causes all our problems.”

“Greed is a problem, but like anything else it can be redirected to be beneficial… Perhaps I misspoke, greed isn’t what’s going to save the world, but people wanting to have a better life will.”

The man, now emboldened by catching me in a hyperbole, (which I am very bad about using) pressed his advantage. “And a better life for everyone can be found through love and sharing. That’s what Socialism is.”

“That’s an opinion, and a poorly based one, often in Socialism, people end up in abject poverty, freezing to death in breadlines, that doesn’t seem to be a better life to me.”

“Just because it didn’t work in the past doesn’t mean it can’t work in the future.”

“I believe one of the definitions of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

“If Trotsky had won Socialism could have been great and just.”

“Trotsky was a general, he was a warrior and a communist. Socialism or communism doesn’t cut out hatred or greed. You can tell that because Stalin lusted after power and nearly doomed his nation because he was willing to do anything to get it. Castro’s the same and so is every other communist leader.

And do you notice that there aren’t any pure Socialist nations? That’s because Socialism doesn’t work if you have more than five people.”

“The hope of Socialism is still better than Capitalism.”

“If you hope for something that means it’s not guaranteed to work. Socialism is a beautiful Idea, but it’s retarded, because it requires people to look out for each other. Capitalism is a horrifying Idea, but it’s brilliant because it requires that people only look out for them selves.
You should rely on what works at the time and try to improve it, rather than scrap it to replace it with something that may or may not work.”

“But Capitalism doesn’t work for everyone. You can’ justify a system that works to make some people rich and other people impoverished.”

“Of course you can, because every system from the beginning of time has done that. The only logical way to approach it is look at how many each of them sacrifices for the greater good.”

“You’re heartless man, you don’t even care about the people who are starving and in pain.”

“I’m not heartless I’m a pragmatist. No goal will ever be accomplished through love and caring. You have to use logic and strength of will and hard work. Ideals will always fail if they’re not backed up by cold hard facts and insight. The only way we can end the problems of the world is through trade and interdependence. Make it so hard to live without each other that it’s foolish to even think about wiping the other guy off the face of the map.”

He was about to say something, but I cut him off, tired of arguing. “Love is dead man, get with the times, this is the new peace symbol.” I said, and walked away, behind me a dollar bill fluttered to the ground where I had dropped it.


Kill Dozer!, the television series

We need a hero. We need Kill Dozer! the television series. (In color)

It’s in times like this, when our elected representatives are not representative, I am reminded of Marvin Heemeyer.

There are some stories that shouldn’t be discarded. Marvin Heemeyer’s is one of them.

“Sometimes reasonable men must do unreasonable things.” – Marvin Heemeyer.

One of the reasons I’m not a big sports fan is the liberal use of the word ‘hero.’ Describing an athlete as a hero is like calling George Bush the American Idol. American heros can be found working for the Coast Guard and found in volunteer fire departments. Real American heros are working the night shift for minimum wage as a nurse in a rural hospital.

Some criminals are remembered as heros. Billy the Kid comes to mind. Even though he was labeled the villain, if you take a look at character of men running New Mexico at the time, Billy wasn’t any less guilty than the government. The Lincoln County War forced everyone’s hand to murder, including the Governor who lied about amnesty for Billy. America loves an outlaw hero because it’s the story of the little guy fighting against the big guy.

Marvin Heemeyer was one of those criminal heros. Heemeyer was the small guy that stood up against city hall the only way he could. His story reads like a bad 70’s drama. (see details below.) If you have the time, check out the Wiki story or just do a google search for Heemeyer.

To make a long story short – Marvin didn’t like the way his city counsel of Granby Colorado was treating him. They zoned a concrete factory all around his muffler shop cutting off access to the road. He wouldn’t sell his property and in the end his muffler shop was forced to close. So, on June 4th of 2004, Marvin took his homemade tank and drove over a good portion of Granby Colorado. The only person hurt was Heemeyer who killed himself in the end. Granby was left in rubble. Observers noted that Heemeyer appeared to go out of his way to avoid injury to bystanders.

Except for the suicide, I love this story. Heemeyer was ruined by the Granby city counsel. He probably didn’t have enough money to fight these crooks in court. (But why should he have to?) Our system of government left him without recompense. I took the time to read some interviews of the city counsel. You’ll be unsurprised to hear that they denounced Heemeyer in the worst of terms. Mostly they called him a criminal but I couldn’t help notice they didn’t paint him as the ‘crazy old man.’ They said he was crazy for doing what he did, but they didn’t elect to portray him as continually insane. This tells me that they fully understood his grievance.

There’s something wrong with my sense of humor. Even with his suicide I find this story hysterical simply because of the surprise endured by the Granby city counsel and townfolk. How could this happen?!? Why would someone do something like that?!?

It’s the same kind of humor I get from Gen. George Custer: “I just don’t understand it. As white people we tried to be efficient and orderly about killing the native Americans. I just can’t figure out why we were attacked.”

I really wish Heemeyer hadn’t have killed himself. I would of made the trip to Colorado to meet the guy and brought some smokes he could use to trade for prison favors. Hell, I would of created an internet fund to help keep Heemeyer in luxury while he was behind bars.

Kill Dozer! the television series. (In color)

K.D. would be formatted like any other revenge story. Instead of Heemeyer dying in the end, he would move from town to town as a drifter. A man who plays by his own set of rules. A lone wolf. A cross between the Incredible Hulk and Rambo, whenever some small town sheriff, super rich guy or city counsel would wrong him, he would do an A-Team, build another kill-dozer and level the town. I have one demand. At the end of every episode everyone freezes like at the end of Police Squad while their town continues to crumble around them. Ripped from the headlines! Kill Dozer! In color!

Rachel Maddow is on the job!

For those of you who haven’t seen this: Rachel Maddow at MSNBC landed what I consider to be the interview of the campaign season with Walt Monegan. If you want to know who Sarah Palin is, watch this: