Monthly Archives: February 2008

Dick Cheney in Fishnets and a Miniskirt

There comes a time in every great country when differences are set aside. When we all come together and realize as one nation what matters to us most.
Did Roger Clemens take steroids and growth hormone? I don’t know, but I think it’s important enough for our Congress to drop everything and hold hearings on this vital issue of national security in a time of war. It only seems proper to keep steering toward the iceberg. It’ll get out of the way.

After all, professional baseball isn’t just analogous to America, it’s one of the few sports that exists solely because of grain alcohol and binocular flasks. If America’s pastime was found to be somehow tainted from the illegal steroids use, I would be throughly shocked into nuanced schadenfrueden. If I couldn’t believe in baseball, I’m not sure I could believe in America. And if I can’t believe in America, I can’t believe in a 50ft Michael Jackson with lasers that come out of his eyes. Anarchy is not far behind.

With no other recourse I turned to baby infant Jesus for some help. I said, “Baby infant Jesus, what if . . ?” And I hesitated, not sure of how he’d respond. “What if Clemens was taking steroids? How can I go on?”

And Jesus came unto me and said, “Tommy, wake up!” He scared me good. I farted and he made fun of the smell. I don’t want to tell the rest of the story. He was mean.

So now I keep Jesus out of it and pray directly to God. I pray, “Dear God. Save us from your followers. Protect professional baseball. And please, give this Congress a dirty Sanchez. Amen.”

I always offer up something funny for God in my prayers. I figure most prayers go unanswered just because she’s tired of hearing about misery and pain. Last month I prayed that Dick Cheney would get a DUI while dressed as a woman. Less than a week later Judge “Robert Somma, 63, was arrested on Feb. 6 after his Mercedes-Benz hit a pickup truck on a Massachusetts road. When authorities removed him from the vehicle, they said he wore a black women’s cocktail dress, fishnet stockings and high heels.” My prayer missed its mark. God must of thought it was funny enough to hit someone with it. Sorry Robert. Why do you suppose God keeps making Republicans the butt of her jokes? I would of thought she was finished messing with Republicans when earlier last year prominent Alabama minister Gary Aldridge was found hogtied wearing a rubber suit with a dildo up his own ass after he died from autoerotic asphyxiation.

I still think it would of been funnier if Dick Cheney was found in fishnets and a miniskirt. I’ve always imagined that he’s led an incredible secret double life. Word on the internet is . . .

. . . once every full moon Dick Cheney dresses up as Betty Page and does a special dance for his old lodge buddies. By 2:00 a.m. the peyote and vicodin take effect and the party grows into Roman man-orgy which doesn’t reach a climax until Cheney is forced to drink human blood thru a severed goat penis. But after that’s it’s straight back to work. Hard worker the Vice President.

At least that’s what it says on the internet. And we all know, if it’s on the internet, it must be true.

I keep wondering if Congress should delve into the underbelly of professional curling. Word on the net says those broom unions are a rats nest of deceit and villainy. After that Congress can have hearings on that fifth dentist that won’t endorse sugarless gum for those that chew gum. I’m pretty sure it’s Ron Paul. After that, maybe, we can get around to finding out where billions of dollars went missing in Iraq, but sometime this year I want a full investigation into Janeane Garofalo. She’s the Lillie Langtry to my Judge Roy Bean.

Advertisements

>Negative Campaigning

>It looks like I’ll be eating my words. In an earlier post I said that I thought Hillary would win the primary because she is bound to get most of the super delegates. As Obama’s lead grows that may not be a foregone conclusion.

I’m sure you’ve heard Obama’s “Yes We Can” speech. If not, click here.

If you’d like to fully understand why Sen. Clinton will lose, check out her video response to the Yes We Can video:

I feel like I’m watching an “Up with People” rally. This video says, Hillary is the whiter candidate and ready to audition for the Sonny and Cher show. I can’t imagine this video really came from her camp. If not, this is the best piece of negative campaigning ever created. If it is from the Hillary campaign, it must of been created by a Republican.

There’s more soul in the Banana Splits.

I watched this show religiously when I was a kid along with H.R. Pufnstuf. Why did I watch this? I’m not sure. I clearly remember dreaming of driving around in the Banana Buggy with Drooper the lion, Snorky the Elephant, Fleegle the Beagle, and Bingo, the whatever he was. Little did I know that the Banana Splits was part of the government’s new pro-epilepsy policy.

If the Clinton video is what happens to white musicians that never take any drugs, then the Banana Splits is what happens to drug users that turn Republican.

This one hurts also. . .

Negative Campaigning

It looks like I’ll be eating my words. In an earlier post I said that I thought Hillary would win the primary because she is bound to get most of the super delegates. As Obama’s lead grows that may not be a foregone conclusion.

I’m sure you’ve heard Obama’s “Yes We Can” speech. If not, click here.

If you’d like to fully understand why Sen. Clinton will lose, check out her video response to the Yes We Can video:

I feel like I’m watching an “Up with People” rally. This video says, Hillary is the whiter candidate and ready to audition for the Sonny and Cher show. I can’t imagine this video really came from her camp. If not, this is the best piece of negative campaigning ever created. If it is from the Hillary campaign, it must of been created by a Republican.

There’s more soul in the Banana Splits.

I watched this show religiously when I was a kid along with H.R. Pufnstuf. Why did I watch this? I’m not sure. I clearly remember dreaming of driving around in the Banana Buggy with Drooper the lion, Snorky the Elephant, Fleegle the Beagle, and Bingo, the whatever he was. Little did I know that the Banana Splits was part of the government’s new pro-epilepsy policy.

If the Clinton video is what happens to white musicians that never take any drugs, then the Banana Splits is what happens to drug users that turn Republican.

This one hurts also. . .

>Anonymous v. Scientology

>I want to commend the group Anonymous for all the work they’ve done unmasking the evil cult, Scientology. Here’s video posted to youtube with their protest here in Austin.

Anonymous v. Scientology

I want to commend the group Anonymous for all the work they’ve done unmasking the evil cult, Scientology. Here’s video posted to youtube with their protest here in Austin.

America’s Home Grown Terrorists. Anonymous fights back

While working on my early 19th century vocabulary, I noticed that huckleberry’s like myself have been watching this Scientology brew-ha-ha grow into a nare-do-well ruckus for a couple of months now, dag-nab-it.

First there was the book, Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography, which paid for lawyers all over the world to send their children to college. I don’t know if any of these accusations are real, but even before I heard them I was dubious about Mr. Cruise. What kind of person sues for being called gay? How insecure is he? The Cruise cult immediately released their lawyer dogs and tried to sue in England.

Then came the Tom Cruise interview video that the Scientologists tried to redact from the internet. (Click here).

They’re still trying to sue anyone who posts it, which makes me wonder if they really think the internet is just a series of tubes. I would of loved to be at the office party when the lawyers were told they were going to be paid for censoring the internet. How much does that cost? I haven’t seen thinking like that since the Republicans demanded the government deport 11 million Mexicans. “Yeah, we’ll get right on that.” – spokesman for the Dept. Of Immigration.

Best I can figure, Scientology may just be a cult of lawyers. Not much else about them makes sense.

The Internet fights back!

Yesterday a group calling themselves ‘Anonymous’ took to the streets to protest Scientology. Some of them even protested outside Austin’s own Church of Scientology on the Drag. Anonymous is a group of interneters that feel they’ve had enough of the vindictive ways of the Church of Scientology and its corrupt nature.

For years I had decided to give the Cult of Cruise the benefit of the doubt; after all, I’ve never heard of them actually hurting anyone. Which actually means I was too lazy to do a google search. One google search later:

Terrorists Alert!

There are terrorists. Right here in River City. “That’s a ‘T’ that rhymes with “T’ that stands for terrorists.”*

* from Dick Cheney’s big book of homosexual-free re-written Broadway musical numbers

Not only is The Church of Scientology a cult, these guys are terrorists! If you take the time to look at the protesters in Austin (click here) you’ll see some are wearing masks. Why? They say it’s because they were afraid of retaliation, and after researching the issues I’m convinced that it’s not a far fetched assumption.

Here’s two entries into in Wikipedia which will explain:

Operation Snow White

Operation Snow White is the story of when the scientologists “. . . included a series of infiltrations and thefts from 136 government agencies, foreign embassies and consulates, as well as private organizations critical of Scientology, carried out by Church members; the single largest infiltration of the United States government in history with up to 5,000 covert agents.” WTF? Is this right? Yes, apparently it is. Don’t they call this kind of thing ‘Organized Crime?”

Operation Freak Out

Operation Freak Out was a conspiracy to frame author Paulette Cooper on false bomb-threat charges, and conspiracies to frame Gabe Cazares, mayor of Clearwater, Florida, on false hit-and-run charges.

They wanted Paulette Cooper in prison or committed to a mental institution for writing a tell-all book about their cult. After reading what these thetan obsessed morons did to Cooper, I’m having a hard time understanding how they kept their tax-exempt status. Since when do we allow criminal organizations to set up shop downtown? Since when do we give tax-exempt status to criminals? Always. That’s the American way.

Paulette Cooper said it best in her own words: Looking over my shoulder, The Inside Account of the Story That Almost Killed Me: Saturday, June 23, 2007

If you really want to know all about Scientology check out Inside Scientology written by Janet Reitman for Rolling Stone Magazine.

If you want an even closer look into this madness, check out L. Ron Hubbard’s own words click here: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2594270091066150939

Best as I can figure, the Group Anonymous is just that. I’m not sure how to join, but I did grab this interesting comment from the internet:

How do I join the internet group ‘Anonymous?’

Jim Crocker
__________

Jim,

If you want to be anonymous, maybe you should stop putting your name at the end of everything, dumbass.

Sincerely,
Anonymous.
Working for the International Brotherhood of Mind your Own Business. Or, NAMBLA for short. A wholly pwned subsidiary of Who The Fuck Are You?, Inc.

This whole thing gained momentum when this Tom Cruise interview video hit the internet:

The Defamer.com has done a great job in bringing the fight to the sociopath Scientologists. Click here

I think the group Anonymous is the most interesting part of this story. Other sites point to 711Chan.org – Here’s their forum discussing the protest: http://711chan.org/xenu/

I can’t get over how a virtual community can come alive like that. That’s huge. Whoever you are Anonymous, keep up the good work!

Click here to sign a petition to brand Scientology a cult – thereby taking away their tax exempt status. Unfortunately, if one of the defining characteristics of a religion is that they attack whoever doesn’t share their beliefs, the Scientology cult qualifies.

>America’s Home Grown Terrorists. Anonymous fights back

>While working on my early 19th century vocabulary, I noticed that huckleberry’s like myself have been watching this Scientology brew-ha-ha grow into a nare-do-well ruckus for a couple of months now, dag-nab-it.

First there was the book, Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography, which paid for lawyers all over the world to send their children to college. I don’t know if any of these accusations are real, but even before I heard them I was dubious about Mr. Cruise. What kind of person sues for being called gay? How insecure is he? The Cruise cult immediately released their lawyer dogs and tried to sue in England.

Then came the Tom Cruise interview video that the Scientologists tried to redact from the internet. (Click here).

They’re still trying to sue anyone who posts it, which makes me wonder if they really think the internet is just a series of tubes. I would of loved to be at the office party when the lawyers were told they were going to be paid for censoring the internet. How much does that cost? I haven’t seen thinking like that since the Republicans demanded the government deport 11 million Mexicans. “Yeah, we’ll get right on that.” – spokesman for the Dept. Of Immigration.

Best I can figure, Scientology may just be a cult of lawyers. Not much else about them makes sense.

The Internet fights back!

Yesterday a group calling themselves ‘Anonymous’ took to the streets to protest Scientology. Some of them even protested outside Austin’s own Church of Scientology on the Drag. Anonymous is a group of interneters that feel they’ve had enough of the vindictive ways of the Church of Scientology and its corrupt nature.

For years I had decided to give the Cult of Cruise the benefit of the doubt; after all, I’ve never heard of them actually hurting anyone. Which actually means I was too lazy to do a google search. One google search later:

Terrorists Alert!

There are terrorists. Right here in River City. “That’s a ‘T’ that rhymes with “T’ that stands for terrorists.”*

* from Dick Cheney’s big book of homosexual-free re-written Broadway musical numbers

Not only is The Church of Scientology a cult, these guys are terrorists! If you take the time to look at the protesters in Austin (click here) you’ll see some are wearing masks. Why? They say it’s because they were afraid of retaliation, and after researching the issues I’m convinced that it’s not a far fetched assumption.

Here’s two entries in Wikipedia which will explain:

Operation Snow White

Operation Snow White is the story of when the scientologists “. . . included a series of infiltrations and thefts from 136 government agencies, foreign embassies and consulates, as well as private organizations critical of Scientology, carried out by Church members; the single largest infiltration of the United States government in history with up to 5,000 covert agents.” WTF? Is this right? Yes, apparently it is. Don’t they call this kind of thing ‘Organized Crime?”

Operation Freak Out

Operation Freak Out was a conspiracy to frame author Paulette Cooper on false bomb-threat charges, and conspiracies to frame Gabe Cazares, mayor of Clearwater, Florida, on false hit-and-run charges.

They wanted Paulette Cooper in prison or committed to a mental institution for writing a tell-all book about their cult. After reading what these thetan obsessed morons did to Cooper, I’m having a hard time understanding how they kept their tax-exempt status. Since when do we allow criminal organizations to set up shop downtown? Since when do we give tax-exempt status to criminals? Always. That’s the American way.

Paulette Cooper said it best in her own words: Looking over my shoulder, The Inside Account of the Story That Almost Killed Me: Saturday, June 23, 2007

If you really want to know all about Scientology check out Inside Scientology written by Janet Reitman for Rolling Stone Magazine.

If you want an even closer look into this madness, check out L. Ron Hubbard’s own words click here: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2594270091066150939

Best as I can figure, the Group Anonymous is just that. I’m not sure how to join, but I did grab this interesting comment from the internet:

How do I join the internet group ‘Anonymous?’

Jim Crocker
__________

Jim,

If you want to be anonymous, maybe you should stop putting your name at the end of everything, dumbass.

Sincerely,
Anonymous.
Working for the International Brotherhood of Mind your Own Business. Or, NAMBLA for short. A wholly pwned subsidiary of Who The Fuck Are You?, Inc.

This whole thing gained momentum when this Tom Cruise interview video hit the internet:

The Defamer.com has done a great job in bringing the fight to the sociopath Scientologists. Click here

I think the group Anonymous is the most interesting part of this story. Other sites point to 711Chan.org – Here’s their forum discussing the protest: http://711chan.org/xenu/

I can’t get over how a virtual community can come alive like that. That’s huge. Whoever you are Anonymous, keep up the good work!

Click here to sign a petition to brand Scientology a cult – thereby taking away their tax exempt status. Unfortunately, if one of the defining characteristics of a religion is that they attack whoever doesn’t share their beliefs, the Scientology cult qualifies.