Monthly Archives: February 2008

>Special Prosecutors to Investigate the Bush Administration?

>Republican Congressman Jack Kingston was on Real Time with Bill Maher and left us full of warm fuzzy dumbness. Responding to Obama-mania, Jack brought up Barak’s obvious lack of patriotism by not wear flag lapel pin and then berated him for not placing his hand over his heart during the national anthem. I couldn’t help but wonder if Kingston was mentally retarded. What kind of person questions a U.S. Senator’s patriotism? Judging from the deep introspective nature of Jack Kingston comments, his patriotism comes from an IQ of 80.

If Republican’s get to impugn a candidates’ patriotism, I think the liberal left should be allowed to question the sanity of Republicans. Is McCain stable enough to run this country? I don’t know, but I saw his hand do that old-man shake the other day. He may be unstable. Most Republican’s are.

How do these dim bulbs like Kingston get elected?

I was happy to see that Crooks and Liars comment on this nonsense.

Congressman Jack Kingston, you win the prize. Help support special Olympics. Anyone can be a Congressman.

On another note. . .

What cost 200 million dollars and will be seen as a monument to war? Dubya’s Presidential library has been given a green light at SMU – in Dallas. As a tribute I imagine that the constitution will be printed on the toilet paper for every restroom.

200 Million dollars. Could a 500% tax on all future Presidential libraries be considered? Why can’t we have a President willing to set aside his ego and spend the money on his constituents instead? Wouldn’t a sane person be willing to send 20,000 kids to college instead? That would create a real legacy.

On another note:

I remember hearing this during the debates, but it didn’t really sink in until later.

Obama:

“You know, I’ve heard from an Army captain who was the head of a rifle platoon — supposed to have 39 men in a rifle platoon,” he said. “Ended up being sent to Afghanistan with 24 because 15 of those soldiers had been sent to Iraq. And as a consequence, they didn’t have enough ammunition, they didn’t have enough humvees. They were actually capturing Taliban weapons, because it was easier to get Taliban weapons than it was for them to get properly equipped by our current commander in chief.”

Could this be true? Yes. Yes it is. Check out the Associated Press’ fact check to the story.

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory?id=4346903

How can the Republicans in Congress support this kind of thing? Dubya obviously doesn’t care. But the real question is why news like this only gets to the public through a Presidential candidate? Why am I not reading about this on the front page of the New York Times every day? Why can’t television news cover stuff like this? I am reminded of William Randolph Hurst who said, “you provide the pictures, and I’ll provide the war.” And he did. Now, the media’s interest is to keep the war going.

Special Prosecutor

I finally broke down and called the Obama and Clinton campaign headquarters to get an answer to my question: “Is the candidate willing to appoint a special prosecutor to go after any of the myriad of Bush administration’s crimes?” I wasn’t interested in the answer. I knew how they would answer. It was the way they responded to me that answered my real question about the character of the candidate.

I called the Hillary campaign headquarters here in Austin first. I needed to know the number for the her national campaign headquarters. The volunteer that answered the phone wanted to know why I needed the number. I told her. With a defiant attitude she told me that if it wasn’t on Clinton’s web site, then she didn’t have a comment. Again, I asked for the national campaign phone number. She wouldn’t give it. I hung up when I found the number on-line. As it turns out, the national office mimicked what the volunteer in Austin said. If it ain’t on the web site, she won’t comment. Sweet.

Obama’s camp was a different scene entirely. My question to the Austin office immediately elicited a phone number for press inquiries in the national office in Chicago where I was told, politely, Obama’s party-line to re-vamp the Justice Department. The guy I was talking to knew what I was asking was not on Obama’s web site and he genuinely tried to help me. At the end of our conversation he took may name, e-mail, and phone number and promised to get back to me with a more detailed answer. I’ll write about his response, if he responds, with my next post.

Until then: DON’T FORGET TO VOTE!

Special Prosecutors to Investigate the Bush Administration?

Republican Congressman Jack Kingston was on Real Time with Bill Maher and left us full of warm fuzzy dumbness. Responding to Obama-mania, Jack brought up Barak’s obvious lack of patriotism by not wear flag lapel pin and then berated him for not placing his hand over his heart during the national anthem. I couldn’t help but wonder if Kingston was mentally retarded. What kind of person questions a U.S. Senator’s patriotism? Judging from the deep introspective nature of Jack Kingston comments, his patriotism comes from an IQ of 80.

If Republican’s get to impugn a candidates’ patriotism, I think the liberal left should be allowed to question the sanity of Republicans. Is McCain stable enough to run this country? I don’t know, but I saw his hand do that old-man shake the other day. He may be unstable. Most Republican’s are.

How do these dim bulbs like Kingston get elected?

I was happy to see that Crooks and Liars comment on this nonsense.

Congressman Jack Kingston, you win the prize. Help support special Olympics. Anyone can be a Congressman.

On another note. . .

What cost 200 million dollars and will be seen as a monument to war? Dubya’s Presidential library has been given a green light at SMU – in Dallas. As a tribute I imagine that the constitution will be printed on the toilet paper for every restroom.

200 Million dollars. Could a 500% tax on all future Presidential libraries be considered? Why can’t we have a President willing to set aside his ego and spend the money on his constituents instead? Wouldn’t a sane person be willing to send 20,000 kids to college instead? That would create a real legacy.

On another note:

I remember hearing this during the debates, but it didn’t really sink in until later.

Obama:

“You know, I’ve heard from an Army captain who was the head of a rifle platoon — supposed to have 39 men in a rifle platoon,” he said. “Ended up being sent to Afghanistan with 24 because 15 of those soldiers had been sent to Iraq. And as a consequence, they didn’t have enough ammunition, they didn’t have enough humvees. They were actually capturing Taliban weapons, because it was easier to get Taliban weapons than it was for them to get properly equipped by our current commander in chief.”

Could this be true? Yes. Yes it is. Check out the Associated Press’ fact check to the story.

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory?id=4346903

How can the Republicans in Congress support this kind of thing? Dubya obviously doesn’t care. But the real question is why news like this only gets to the public through a Presidential candidate? Why am I not reading about this on the front page of the New York Times every day? Why can’t television news cover stuff like this? I am reminded of William Randolph Hurst who said, “you provide the pictures, and I’ll provide the war.” And he did. Now, the media’s interest is to keep the war going.

Special Prosecutor

I finally broke down and called the Obama and Clinton campaign headquarters to get an answer to my question: “Is the candidate willing to appoint a special prosecutor to go after any of the myriad of Bush administration’s crimes?” I wasn’t interested in the answer. I knew how they would answer. It was the way they responded to me that answered my real question about the character of the candidate.

I called the Hillary campaign headquarters here in Austin first. I needed to know the number for the her national campaign headquarters. The volunteer that answered the phone wanted to know why I needed the number. I told her. With a defiant attitude she told me that if it wasn’t on Clinton’s web site, then she didn’t have a comment. Again, I asked for the national campaign phone number. She wouldn’t give it. I hung up when I found the number on-line. As it turns out, the national office mimicked what the volunteer in Austin said. If it ain’t on the web site, she won’t comment. Sweet.

Obama’s camp was a different scene entirely. My question to the Austin office immediately elicited a phone number for press inquiries in the national office in Chicago where I was told, politely, Obama’s party-line to re-vamp the Justice Department. The guy I was talking to knew what I was asking was not on Obama’s web site and he genuinely tried to help me. At the end of our conversation he took may name, e-mail, and phone number and promised to get back to me with a more detailed answer. I’ll write about his response, if he responds, with my next post.

Until then: DON’T FORGET TO VOTE!

>Don’t talk back to Darth Vader

>Don’t talk back to Darth Vader. He’ll get ya. This little girl goes on to give a very well thought out synopsis of the movie Star Wars.

My bad

I’ve gotten a few angry e-mails from bluegrass lovers. And yes, I made a disparaging remark about bluegrass music in an earlier post. (I said something to the effect that bluegrass was a used to serenade pre-raped livestock.) For that I apologize. I went too far. But to be fair, I never thought hill folk knowd how to read.

Bluegrass is more than just a way to arouse unwilling sheep. It speaks to the soul of the modern day hill-folk in all of us. Listening to this bluegrass I’m reminded that you have a pretty mouth. These guys have some game:

RIP Omar Little. June 28, 1958 – February 24, 2008
“It’s all in the game.”

“I have the shotgun.. . . you got the briefcase.” – Omar Little.
“When you come at the King, you best not miss.” – Omar Little

Don’t talk back to Darth Vader

Don’t talk back to Darth Vader. He’ll get ya. This little girl goes on to give a very well thought out synopsis of the movie Star Wars.

My bad

I’ve gotten a few angry e-mails from bluegrass lovers. And yes, I made a disparaging remark about bluegrass music in an earlier post. (I said something to the effect that bluegrass was a used to serenade pre-raped livestock.) For that I apologize. I went too far. But to be fair, I never thought hill folk knowd how to read.

Bluegrass is more than just a way to arouse unwilling sheep. It speaks to the soul of the modern day hill-folk in all of us. Listening to this bluegrass I’m reminded that you have a pretty mouth. These guys have some game:

RIP Omar Little. June 28, 1958 – February 24, 2008
“It’s all in the game.”

“I have the shotgun.. . . you got the briefcase.” – Omar Little.
“When you come at the King, you best not miss.” – Omar Little

>Lies Worth Telling

>You can’t swing a dead cat in Austin today without hitting a presidential candidate. It’s a sad state of affairs. With so much politicin’ goins ons I thought I’d write about lies. I don’t think you can be a politician without lying. The two seem to go hand in hand like Republicans and corruption.

A little over a year ago my brother came to me and said he had made the choice to never lie. He had read about, and thought about, the concept of never lying and decided that it is a better way of living. He may be right. His declaration left me thinking about lies. Mostly, my own. One of my sustaining bullshit lines is that “you don’t have to believe in Jesus to do the right thing.” – something I say all too often. Was I doing the right thing with my lies? The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I lie all the time.

Lies worth telling

Alec is my girl friend’s fifteen year old son. On many occasions complete strangers have commented that my ‘son’ looks just like me. It’s just easier to lie and say, thank you. If I chose not to lie I have to explain why I’m hanging out with a 15 year old. It’s a lie of no consequence and of simple convenience. That may not the kind of lie I need to be concerned with.

The movie “The Razor’s Edge” starring Bill Murray had a profound impact on me. In a subplot of the movie, Denholm Elliot plays Elliott Templeton, a dedicated Parisian socialite. Elliot defines himself through his snobbish and upper class ways and treats Bill Murray’s character, Larry Darrell, most unfairly. He has a general disdain for Larry throughout his life. (Larry is of low breeding.) On his deathbed, Elliot is waiting desperately in anticipation of being invited to the social event of the season. Larry lies to Elliot. He tells the dying man that a private messenger has just arrived and had brought an invitation. Elliot’s last moments were joyful, believing that he had been accepted into Parisian high society. It was a lie that told of Larry’s forgiveness toward Elliot. It was a forgiveness that was un-asked and undeserved. It was forgiveness built on a lie. The only consequence was the happiness of a dying man.

Other lies also seem worth the effort. Like when your best friend in high school gets his ass handed to him in a street fight behind a bar, lying isn’t such a bad thing. As you are helping him into the car you let him know that he got off a couple of good hits before that big guy beat the crap out of him. You say things like, “Hell, I’m surprised the guy was still standing. You hit him hard. I’ll bet he takes steroids or he’s on some kind of drugs.” Little lies like that seem decent and good.


Organized Religion

Organized religion always struck me as just another game of one-upmanship. It’s one holy man bragging to another.

“Oh yeah, well, my love for God is more perfect than yours because I won’t eat swine.”

“I call your no pig diet, and raise you by cutting off the foreskin off my penis.”

“Okay. That’s a good one. But I’ll do that also, and I’ll whip myself when I pray. God will certainly like me best.”

When did religion become an episode of Big Brother? When did God demand that we spend our time here trying to curry her favor?

Religion’s biggest enemy has always been this dumb-ass competition. God doesn’t care who you have sex with. Or what kind of food you eat. Or the clothes you wear. God doesn’t even care if we hurt one another. Sins reside without God. If we exist forever the memory of hurting other people will bare emotional scars throughout eternity. I already feel bad about some of the dumb crap I’ve done. Imagine feeling guilty for a hundred thousand years. Guilt is a heavy weight to carry through all eternity. I’d rather do the right thing.

But mostly, how in the hell did cutting off your foreskin become something God wants you to do? How does that meeting happen?

“Okay guys, I’ve talked to God and he wants us to cut our penis foreskin off.”

“God said that? Are you sure? Because when God talked to me earlier, he said we should take a hammer and beat our penis flat every morning.”

“I vote we just cut off the foreskin. All in favor?”

Lying isn’t a sin. It’s just something we do. It’s this religious one-upmanship that pushes the concept of lying into the ‘yes or no’ category. Asking if lying is wrong is like asking if yawning is wrong. I think the only sin comes from lying to yourself.

Besides, God likes me best. Hopefully, someone will arrive with a document from God declaring my Sainthood moments before I die. If not, I hope God will have the courtesy to lie and tell me I got a couple of good shots in before life kicked my ass.

Lies Worth Telling

You can’t swing a dead cat in Austin today without hitting a presidential candidate. It’s a sad state of affairs. With so much politicin’ goins ons I thought I’d write about lies. I don’t think you can be a politician without lying. The two seem to go hand in hand like Republicans and corruption.

A little over a year ago my brother came to me and said he had made the choice to never lie. He had read about, and thought about, the concept of never lying and decided that it is a better way of living. He may be right. His declaration left me thinking about lies. Mostly, my own. One of my sustaining bullshit lines is that “you don’t have to believe in Jesus to do the right thing.” – something I say all too often. Was I doing the right thing with my lies? The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I lie all the time.

Lies worth telling

Alec is my girl friend’s fifteen year old son. On many occasions complete strangers have commented that my ‘son’ looks just like me. It’s just easier to lie and say, thank you. If I chose not to lie I have to explain why I’m hanging out with a 15 year old. It’s a lie of no consequence and of simple convenience. That may not the kind of lie I need to be concerned with.

The movie “The Razor’s Edge” starring Bill Murray had a profound impact on me. In a subplot of the movie, Denholm Elliot plays Elliott Templeton, a dedicated Parisian socialite. Elliot defines himself through his snobbish and upper class ways and treats Bill Murray’s character, Larry Darrell, most unfairly. He has a general disdain for Larry throughout his life. (Larry is of low breeding.) On his deathbed, Elliot is waiting desperately in anticipation of being invited to the social event of the season. Larry lies to Elliot. He tells the dying man that a private messenger has just arrived and had brought an invitation. Elliot’s last moments were joyful, believing that he had been accepted into Parisian high society. It was a lie that told of Larry’s forgiveness toward Elliot. It was a forgiveness that was un-asked and undeserved. It was forgiveness built on a lie. The only consequence was the happiness of a dying man.

Other lies also seem worth the effort. Like when your best friend in high school gets his ass handed to him in a street fight behind a bar, lying isn’t such a bad thing. As you are helping him into the car you let him know that he got off a couple of good hits before that big guy beat the crap out of him. You say things like, “Hell, I’m surprised the guy was still standing. You hit him hard. I’ll bet he takes steroids or he’s on some kind of drugs.” Little lies like that seem decent and good.


Organized Religion

Organized religion always struck me as just another game of one-upmanship. It’s one holy man bragging to another.

“Oh yeah, well, my love for God is more perfect than yours because I won’t eat swine.”

“I call your no pig diet, and raise you by cutting off the foreskin off my penis.”

“Okay. That’s a good one. But I’ll do that also, and I’ll whip myself when I pray. God will certainly like me best.”

When did religion become an episode of Big Brother? When did God demand that we spend our time here trying to curry her favor?

Religion’s biggest enemy has always been this dumb-ass competition. God doesn’t care who you have sex with. Or what kind of food you eat. Or the clothes you wear. God doesn’t even care if we hurt one another. Sins reside without God. If we exist forever the memory of hurting other people will bare emotional scars throughout eternity. I already feel bad about some of the dumb crap I’ve done. Imagine feeling guilty for a hundred thousand years. Guilt is a heavy weight to carry through all eternity. I’d rather do the right thing.

But mostly, how in the hell did cutting off your foreskin become something God wants you to do? How does that meeting happen?

“Okay guys, I’ve talked to God and he wants us to cut our penis foreskin off.”

“God said that? Are you sure? Because when God talked to me earlier, he said we should take a hammer and beat our penis flat every morning.”

“I vote we just cut off the foreskin. All in favor?”

Lying isn’t a sin. It’s just something we do. It’s this religious one-upmanship that pushes the concept of lying into the ‘yes or no’ category. Asking if lying is wrong is like asking if yawning is wrong. I think the only sin comes from lying to yourself.

Besides, God likes me best. Hopefully, someone will arrive with a document from God declaring my Sainthood moments before I die. If not, I hope God will have the courtesy to lie and tell me I got a couple of good shots in before life kicked my ass.

>Dick Cheney in Fishnets and a Miniskirt

>There comes a time in every great country when differences are set aside. When we all come together and realize as one nation what matters to us most.
Did Roger Clemens take steroids and growth hormone? I don’t know, but I think it’s important enough for our Congress to drop everything and hold hearings on this vital issue of national security in a time of war. It only seems proper to keep steering toward the iceberg. It’ll get out of the way.

After all, professional baseball isn’t just analogous to America, it’s one of the few sports that exists solely because of grain alcohol and binocular flasks. If America’s pastime was found to be somehow tainted from the illegal steroids use, I would be throughly shocked into nuanced schadenfrueden. If I couldn’t believe in baseball, I’m not sure I could believe in America. And if I can’t believe in America, I can’t believe in a 50ft Michael Jackson with lasers that come out of his eyes. Anarchy is not far behind.

With no other recourse I turned to baby infant Jesus for some help. I said, “Baby infant Jesus, what if . . ?” And I hesitated, not sure of how he’d respond. “What if Clemens was taking steroids? How can I go on?”

And Jesus came unto me and said, “Tommy, wake up!” He scared me good. I farted and he made fun of the smell. I don’t want to tell the rest of the story. He was mean.

So now I keep Jesus out of it and pray directly to God. I pray, “Dear God. Save us from your followers. Protect professional baseball. And please, give this Congress a dirty Sanchez. Amen.”

I always offer up something funny for God in my prayers. I figure most prayers go unanswered just because she’s tired of hearing about misery and pain. Last month I prayed that Dick Cheney would get a DUI while dressed as a woman. Less than a week later Judge “Robert Somma, 63, was arrested on Feb. 6 after his Mercedes-Benz hit a pickup truck on a Massachusetts road. When authorities removed him from the vehicle, they said he wore a black women’s cocktail dress, fishnet stockings and high heels.” My prayer missed its mark. God must of thought it was funny enough to hit someone with it. Sorry Robert. Why do you suppose God keeps making Republicans the butt of her jokes? I would of thought she was finished messing with Republicans when earlier last year prominent Alabama minister Gary Aldridge was found hogtied wearing a rubber suit with a dildo up his own ass after he died from autoerotic asphyxiation.

I still think it would of been funnier if Dick Cheney was found in fishnets and a miniskirt. I’ve always imagined that he’s led an incredible secret double life. Word on the internet is . . .

. . . once every full moon Dick Cheney dresses up as Betty Page and does a special dance for his old lodge buddies. By 2:00 a.m. the peyote and vicodin take effect and the party grows into Roman man-orgy which doesn’t reach a climax until Cheney is forced to drink human blood thru a severed goat penis. But after that’s it’s straight back to work. Hard worker the Vice President.

At least that’s what it says on the internet. And we all know, if it’s on the internet, it must be true.

I keep wondering if Congress should delve into the underbelly of professional curling. Word on the net says those broom unions are a rats nest of deceit and villainy. After that Congress can have hearings on that fifth dentist that won’t endorse sugarless gum for those that chew gum. I’m pretty sure it’s Ron Paul. After that, maybe, we can get around to finding out where billions of dollars went missing in Iraq, but sometime this year I want a full investigation into Janeane Garofalo. She’s the Lillie Langtry to my Judge Roy Bean.