It’s official. I am a time traveler. I have actually traveled thru time. How do you travel thru time? Have a colonoscopy like I did last Wednesday.
I was talking to the nurse. The doctor walks in and the nurse said, “The doctor is here. I’m administering the drug.” (I’m guessing the proceedings were being video taped.) I chatted with the doctor briefly. I told him I was glad to see he was in an upbeat mood. I said something like, ‘I’d hate to be in this position if you just had a knock down drag out fight with your wife.’ He laughed and then Bam! I was sitting in the recovery area intently listening to my doctor who was talking to my girlfriend. What?
No time passed. None at all. No fade to black. No, ‘count down from a hundred and fall asleep.’ No falling asleep. No waking up. I was in the operating room, one second, and in the recovery room the next. Time travel.
To be precise, I traveled one hour into the future. Which I guess means I will be caught up next daylight savings time.
The Drug War
Let me this perfectly clear, before this experience I was firmly against the drug war. I was of the opinion that prohibition of drugs fuels the underground economy, criminal enterprises, and terrorists. It’s basically a public health issue and we’re using our criminal justice system to handle it. If that wasn’t enough, this failed policy is costing us a fortune.
I’m not against prohibition any more. There are two drugs that MUST be controlled. They are called Sentanyl and Versed – the time travel drugs. These two drugs must never fall into the hands of criminals. If they were available on the open market it could destroy humanity.
Even now I’m Jonesin’ for a fix. Well, actually, I just want my own supply so I could use it during the worst parts of my life. And they’ve had these drugs for years!?!!! Why didn’t anyone tell me?
During my six hour “Thanksgiving From Hell” at my uncle Edward’s house, I could of been unconscious! I’m remembering post apocalyptic two day hangover that nearly killed me on new years day 2000. I could of been unconscious! During my infamous blind date with Becky Lasko I could of been unconscious! I would of loved to have been ‘lights-out’ during dinner. She wouldn’t of noticed.
And that’s why everyone else will want these drugs if word gets out. Are you a passenger on a long car trip with a boring asshole? Sentanyl and Versed to the rescue. Are you and hour away from the front of the line at the DMV? Time for the time travel drug.
I want these drugs controlled but I want my own supply of Sentanyl and Versed and I want it now. Wake me up when we get to the good part.