What’s in the Republican’s Closet?

“I am not gay,” Sen Craig said after he took the penis out of his mouth.

Now, I’m not saying all Republicans are closeted homosexuals. I’m not one to define the Republican party as homophobes full of self-loathing. They’ve done that themselves. But the psychology of their politics is clear enough.

During my infrequent request to say grace, I usually respond ( by “making that prayer my bitch”) by praying: “Please God, save us from your followers.”

Remember when the first reports of priest’s abusing little boys came out? The first reports lent everyone to say that those Priests were the few; that if you looked at the percentage of pedophiles in the population, you would see that same percentage in the priesthood. Then, more stories came out. And then more. Finally, people began wondering if all priests were pedophiles. And while that may not be the case, how many parents would want a priest take care of their 8 year old boy while they went out of town for the weekend?

Same story, different setting:

Mark Foley, Ted Haggard, Florida Rep. Bob Allen and now Larry Craig are the poster children for the coming revolution in Christianity. A revolution based on closeted homosexuals everywhere. But how many are still out there?, lurking in bathroom stalls, cruising those out of the way gay clubs? The answer: All of them.

Before I start this, I want to say formally, there is nothing wrong with homosexuality. God does not care if you have sex with someone of the same sex. She just doesn’t care. I truly believe this, and I also believe that everyone who doesn’t believe this is wasting their time. Because before homosexuality became the big taboo there were other dumb rules about sex. How many practice only the missionary position? Until recently, oral sex use to be illegal in Texas. . . .etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Which begs the question, why would anyone take the time to propagate sexual taboo’s? Why the agenda? How fucked up is your sex life where you have to take the time to fuck up other people’s sex life?

In the movie “Tombstone”, Doc Holiday says, “My hypocrisy only goes so far.” A perfect line, especially considering his character. What makes it poignant is how hypocrisy for the Republicans knows no bounds.

To quote Ms. North Carolina:

“I personally believe that us as Americans are unable to do so because some of the people out there in this nation don’t have that.”

I couldn’t of put it better myself. Well, okay, I’ll try:

I personally believe that all Republican’s are closeted homosexuals full of self-loathing and regret. I personally believe that given the chance, most Republicans men would have sex with another man in a public restroom if they could be assured that they their anonymous partner had taken Jesus Christ into their heart, and bathed their hands in the blood of the land, or if they had a penis. I personally believe that Jesus was gay with all his disciples, because that’s how they rolled back then. I personally believe that Jesus would have gay sex with other men in a public toilet, and that’s why so many other Republicans are doing the same. They are just answering the question, ‘what would Jesus do?’ – you know, in a public restroom with another closeted homosexual.


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